Thursday, May 12, 2011

my 23 wishlist

God, will you bless me in this joyous month for me?
please, bless me always..
I realize that i am not close enough with You, in most of my time I neglect my responsibility to You. But, that doesn't mean i leave You.. i believe in You, i always need You, and i still afraid of You.
It just because of my laziness and my lack of piety.

I need Your assistance, for always being in Your way..

God, please send me gift for my chapter of being 23..
A package of your blessing and forgiveness.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

how i miss you guys..



Do you know guys, you are one of the best part of my life..
You are who always know how to make me smile, laugh, forget any sadness and enjoy the life..
You are my precious thing
I miss you guys.. IE 2006


Friday, April 01, 2011

be grateful..

"I need to enjoy all the gifts that God gaves me today, because grace cannot be saved and put away for later"

(paulo coelho)


What i have to do is just being grateful for every single thing that i have
I have to enjoy every second in my life and enjoy all the things that i have
I need to focus on anything that is mine, not theirs or hers or his
Learn to be grateful of everything that i received, and may i will always feel satisfied

..and my favorite author (paulo coelho) also said:


"I must accept the blessings of today, to create with what I have. If I do this with detachment and without guilt, tomorrow I shall receive more"



Thanks Allah. With love, happy ^_^






Wednesday, March 09, 2011

menjadi pekerja

Merupakan hal lumrah ketika seseorang telah menyelesaikan pendidikan di bangku universitas lalu kemudian wara-wiri mencari pekerjaan.
Bekerja dalam versi saya memiliki 2 tujuan utama, yaitu: Memenuhi kebutuhan material hidup atau memenuhi kepuasan intelektual dan batin, namun tidak menutup kemungkinan bagi beberapa orang yang cukup beruntung, mereka mengkombinasikan keduanya dalam 1 pekerjaan. Sisanya, bagi beberapa orang yang tidak terlalu beruntung, justru hampir tidak mendapatkan keduanya.

Sejak sebelum lulus dari FEUI, saya sebenarnya sudah terbiasa bekerja. Untuk kondisi "bekerja" bagi saya saat itu sangat menyenangkan, ditinjau dari 2 sisi yang terkait dengan 2 tujuan utama bekerja dalam definisi saya.

Pertama, saya sangat menyukai apa yang saya kerjakan : mengajar dan membantu penelitian.
Capek memang, apalagi ketika dijalankan bersamaan saat saya masih kuliah dan menyelesaikan skripsi. namun, disinilah letak kepuasan intelektual (belum batin sepenuhnya) yang saya dapatkan.
Dengan mengajar, mau tidak mau saya terus belajar untuk mempersiapkan bahan di kelas, saya bertemu banyak teman-teman baru, dan hampir setiap kelas yang saya ajar saya merasa akrab dengan makhluk-makhluk didalamnya. Membantu penelitian pun sama saja, bahkan disinilah letak belajar dalam mempraktekan ilmu saya sebenarnya.
Dengan membantu penelitian beberapa dosen, saya jadi tahu praktek nyata dari ilmu ekonomi dan kebijakan yang saya pelajari di kelas-kelas, sleain tiu saya jadi lebih dikenal dengan beberapa kalangan dosen hal ini tentu berkontribusi positif dalam mimpi saya kedepan untuk sekolah ke LN karena bisa mendapatkan rekomendasi dari mereka.

Kedua, untuk ukuran kantong mahasiswa saya, honor mengajar dan membantu penelitian sangat amat lumayan. mari hitung dengan kasar. dari mengajar 1 kelas saja, saya bisa dapat 1 juta perbulan, honor membantu penelitian adalah 2,5 juta perbulan dan ada kalanya dalam beberapa bulan yang bersamaan saya menerima proyek membantu lebih dari 1 penelitian. Maka angka yang bisa saya dapatkan bisa sangattttt lumayan apalagi ditambah saya masih mendapatkan uang jajan( akan tetapi dengan sifat boros saya, saya lebih sering tidak tahu kemana semua uang itu hilang).

Kesimpulan dari pemaparan saya yang pertama tentang pekerjaan saya sewaktu kuliah dan beberapa bulan pasca lulus adalah : saya mencintai nya dan berharap saya dapat terus menerus melakukan pekerjaan tersebut.

Akan tetapi, tuntutan dunia membuat saya mau tidak mau dan harus lebih realistis menatap hidup.
Orang tua saya (tepatnya mama) sudah geregetan kenapa saya masih saja dirumah meskipun sudah lulus hampir 5 bulan, beliau agak sulit diberi penjelasan. saya sering dirumah tapi bukan berarti menganggur, saya mengajar dan membantu proyek penelitian. Tapi beliau mungkin merasa risih juga dengan pertanyaan beberapa temennya (yaitu ibu-ibu kebanyakan yang pendidikannya pun rata-rata saja dan punya pola pikir mainstream) tentang: "Mar, anakmu sudah lulus kan ya? kerja dimana dia sekarang?pasti gampang cari kerja, kan anak UI, pintar kan ya anakmu juga". zzzzzzzzz.
Saya sendiri juga sudah mulai agak kalang kabut, untuk bekerja karena sekeliling saya yaitu teman2 sudah mulai memasuki dunia kerja juga, kebanyakan adalah menjadi pegawai bank atau PNS. padahal ada pesan ayah saya yang saya ingat " jangan jadi ikan cerek py, orang kerja di bank ikut di bank, orang daftar pns, ikut daftar, kalo ga cocok gausah cari yang sesuai kata hati jangan buru2".
Selain itu, hal yang lebih memberatkan saya untuk segera bekerja adalah: saya belum bisa mendaftar sekolah tahun ini dikarenakan kebodohan saya sendiri dan lagi saya butuh uang untuk mempersiapkan diri mendaftar2 tes dan sekolah.

Sebenarnya saya sudah mencoba melamar beberapa pekerjaan yang menurut saya akan memenuhi 2 tujuan utama bekerja dalam definisi saya. Saya mendaftar di sebuah lembaga penelitian international, sudah sempat dihubungi dan ditanggapi positif lalu kemudian hilang entah kemana si peneliti itu(saya menganggapnya belum rejeki saya). Selanjutnya, saya juga mendaftar ke sebuah lembaga international sebagai asisten peneliti, prosedur yang lama membuat saya menunggu sehingga mengantar saya pada kondisi dimana ketika mereka akhirnya mengirimkan kabar menerima saya dengan senang hati tapi dengan berat hati saya harus bilang "i am sorry i can't", bukan karena saya tidak mau tapi kondisi saya sudah tidak bisa. Ibaratnya seperti lagu MLTR "25 minutes".... boy, i miss your kisses but i am sorry this is 25 minutes too late..

akhirnya setelah berkelana dari 1 tes ke tes lain dan dari 1 wawancara ke wawancara lainnya, maka saya berakhir di tempat duduk ini dimana saya membuat postingan ini.
Bagaimana saya menilai pekerjaan saya ini?
Secara karakteristik fisik pekerjaan:
Saya hanya akan ada disini 1 tahun saya (pliss Allah saya mau sekolah tahun depan). Dengan gaji yang menurut hasil tanya sana sini adalah gaji standar untuk lulusan S1 dengan 0 pengalaman bekerja secara resmi. Tidak ada pemasukan sampingan diluar gaji pokok yang saya terima dan nilai gaji segitu masih harus dikurangi dengan pajak yang denger2 bisa 1/6 dari nilai gaji saya dan masih harus saya kurangi dengan ongkos saya yang kira2 50 ribu seharinya. Saya harus bekerja full time monday to friday 08.30 am to 5 pm. dan untuk waktu-waktu dimana pekerjaan saya sudah selsai saya dapat pulang lebih awal atau ketika pekerjaan agak banyak, saya pulang agak malam.
Secara tanggungjawab pekerjaan:
Posisi saya dinamai junior analyst didalam lowongan yang mereka pasang, akan tetapi setelah berada didalamnya saya hanya boleh menggunakan istilah "staff pendukung" di belakang nama saya. Pekerjaan utama saya adalah mengurusi administrasi dan sedikit substansi dari kegiatan dan proyek-proyek yang terkait dengan pinjaman dan hibah dari luar negeri.Kebanyakan pekerjaan saya:membuat memo, membuat surat, menyusun proposal, membantu menilai proposal, membantu menyiapkan kelengkapan suatu grant/loan agreement, membuat notulensi rapat, dan lain sebagainya.
Saya disini juga banyak belajar: saya jadi tahu bagaimana prosedur suatu pinjaman atau hibah dari luar negeri akhirnya bisa dipakai di Indonesia; saya belajar mendengarkan dan mencatat dalam bahasa inggris ketika dilakukan beberapa rapat/pertemuan dengan bule-bule itu; saya belajar bahasa indonesia yang baik dan benar; saya belajar betapa ribetnya birokrasi kementerian/lembaga negara; saya belajar beradaptasi dengan berbagai karakter orang (ada yang penggerutu, perfectionist, mau enak sendiri, ngomongin orang dibelakang, banyak maunya, aneh, egois, dan tukang mengeluh); dan saya belajar bagaimana orang-orang di samping kanan-kiri dan depan saya ini mengejar sekolah dan beasiswa dengan cara bertanya dan mencuri informasi dari mereka dengan cara legal tentunya.
Secara lingkungan dan suasana kerja:
Gedung dan lingkungannya sempit sekali. hanya ada 1 kantin resmi dan koperasi, yang menunya STD, ditambah 1 hiburan dibelakang adalah penjaja makanan kaki lima. Jujur saya banyak ngedumel di awal-awal bekerja ini, bekerja dengan berbagai tipe orang memang tidak mudah saya harus menyesuaikan diri. Pekerjaan yang cenderung membosankan juga suka membuat saya uring-uringan. tapi saya ingin tetap ber-image baik disini, jadi saya sering tetap pasang topeng senyum meskipun saya mengumpat di hati dan saya berusaha mengerjakan semua tugas saya sebaik mungkin demi nama baik saya sendiri.

Kesimpulan dari topik kedua tentang pekerjaan saya saat ini adalah : saya tidak mencintainya tapi saya tidak akan menjalankannya dengan meninggalkan kesan buruk, maka saya akan bekerja dengan baik hingga di akhir waktu tanggungjawab saya berakhir.



...Ketika saya tidak mencintai pekerjaan yang saya lakukan, saya hanya akan bekerja dengan baik dan sesuai dengan nilai bagaimana saya dibayar, tidak lebih...

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Saya
Mau
Sekolah



Monday, February 21, 2011

(Another) Piggies Trip

As I recall, this is a vacation with the most members.
This is not a new destination, we've come to this place about 2 years ago, precisely on August 5,6,7, 2009.
This is our second time , with different situations and different members..

Places that we visited had not changed much, but maybe we are much changed.
Changes in ourselves, and perhaps also a change in the pattern of our friendship.

But we don't want to think about the change, if it will reduce our happiness ..
we just want to laugh, spend time together, and continue to repeat the great memories together as bestfriends ..

thank you for this wonderful friendship, piggies..


ALL TEAM


THE GIRLS


THE BOYS

Piggies + Sahabat IE ~ Carita, 19-20 Februari 2011
(Happy, Uchal, Alia, Ulay, Widi, Aldi, Wibi, Nabir, Ruhum, Dave, Aisha, Santy, Winta, Agil, Kunam, Kibeng, Rensus, Bhas, Wisnu, Hasbi, Kibeng)

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

i want to be a CENTER, always..

i am accustomed to be a CENTER
though sometimes i am being IGNORED too
but i ALWAYS want to be a CENTER
and i HATE to SIT AT BACK and being ignored
that's why i'll TRY my best to let the world know MY NAME..

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

One Step at A Time

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen
and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it

You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time


God, please make "it" happen for me.. you know that thing which i wish for..
because it's not only about me, but also them..
I will give my best to make it happen, but please use Your hand to make sure it will be mine..

Monday, January 24, 2011

life lesson in the beginning of 2011..

Hi World,

welcome January 2011
Some things have been coloring my beginning of this new year.. it could be pink, grey, black, blue, red, even white.
life teaches me very well..
how to wait, how to make hopes, how to struggle,how to being thankful, how to love, how to give, how to relieve, how to deal with any condition, and how to live this life rightly and wisely..

But sometimes i am just too stupid to understand the life's lesson or too stubborn to accept all signs and guidelines.

I ended 2010 with long waiting and big hopes of getting the right one. A job, that i dream of. life taught me that waiting is not same with doing nothing, then life taught me how to struggle and look for all chances..

Then in January 2011, i got some at different time, so i have to choose one.
Life give me the evidence of words "every option has its opportunity cost" when i decide to choose A then i have to loose B or maybe only get the half-B. Being thankful of everything that is given to you, hep..

Sometime i am the greedy little girl. I think i have to grab all chances on me. but now i am the 22 years old women, i have to choose wisely. Not all chances have to be mine. There will be the right time for everything

Something that i love from january, is it's second day. January 2nd , is the day when life will always teach me how to love and to be loved. how to understand and give a part of my life to be filled by someone's dreams.


Life never stop to teach me. now it is teaching me how to deal with any conditions. sometime i will get bored, sometime i will get tired, sometime i will be ignored, sometime i will get excited.. but for sure i will learn something..(hopefully).

it is just the january, i will have the next 11 months on 2011. i still have time to fix my failures and get A from this 2011 life's lesson.

Dear January please taking notes of my resolutions for this year, and God please guide me to make it work.
i want to be a happier person..
i will stop arguing with God about anything that is not match well with my wish..
i will love God, myself, my parents, my family, my man, and my friends more..
i want to make my parents and family be proud of me every year..
i want to make my own money money and save more..
i want to get school and scholarship for my mater degree this year..
and i want this year being a wonderful year for me and everyone..

Thursday, November 25, 2010

when doing nothing

I have released from my comfort zone..

Now i am in the crossroad and looking for the right way to go. I just have to choose the right direction and go into it at the right time.

Some peope say, it’s okay for waiting just for a while because it doesn’t mean that i am not deserved for something good. It more seems that i am waiting for the greatest. My wish.. because the truth is i never know which one is the best against others.

I didn’t prepare myself well, that’s the mistake that i made.. i’ve spent lots of time for useless things which couldn’t help me for sitting at the top after released.

I hope i just have more time to decide which way to go..and prepare everything that is never prepared well before. And pray to God, it’s the right way, and i won’t regret it at the end of its.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

i am Happy



I Love This July..

I think I love this month.. July 2010..
July, 2nd 2010 for exactly.. that's because of 2 precious things :

One..
that day was my thesis examination day..

days before that friday, i felt millions butterflies or maybe rats in my stomach. Nervous, afraid of being failed in fulfilling their expectation, and little bit excited..
my four years as economics student in bachelor degree will be over soon
i've done my thesis as best as i can do, i've prepared everything well: studied with Mr.Pyndick and Mr. Gujarati, and also made my presentation slide..

Friday, July 2nd 2010, 05.30 am woke up, pray, and start to take a shower, still felt the rats in my stomach.. 07.30 am, was ready to go, so may " wejangan" from my mom,and i got air zam-zam with " jampi2 doa ala emak2"

08.00 am already at campus, nobody there.. only me, my thesis copy and Mas Dawan (Dept.IE OB)
i tried to control myself of being nervous and pray always..
09.30 am, yeahhh.. it's the time!!! in 20 minutes i presented my thesis, and got some questions from Mr. Ari Kuncoro, Mrs. Fauziah, and Mrs. Femmy Roeslan..

THANKS, THANKS, THANKS, THANKS, THANKS YA ALLAH you make it easy for me..

YEAHHHH I ALREADY GRADUATED AND GOT A SCORE!!!

THANKS ALLAH, HAPPY WAS VERY HAPPY!!! :)


some familiar faces have waited for me, they are my SUPERmans!! thanks Guys for the support and your presence, you are my precious parts of my life :)

my family waited also at home, i know, it's only one little thing that i can do to make my mom and dad be proud of me.. my cumlaude is just for both of you. Thanks for everything mah,pah, sari, rian :) :)


two..

and that friday also our Sixth..

no matter the condition that happened on that day, i know, you will always support me and try to give all the best for me.Thanks Kautsar.. may Allah will always bless this relationship :)


for those two things
I LOVE THIS JULY




Thursday, April 08, 2010

the right track

Every wrong steps that i've made is nobody's fault but mine..
rules, principals,that i made then i break them one by one
i have to go back on the right track

i am not "that kind" of person that i always hate
and i never want to be that one

Stop making it as a "cheap" thing or then you become "the cheap one" too
the internal control is the key, girl..
just control your wrong desire of every "almost-unright-thing"
you also have to control the external side

i am the one who need to make decision and drive the condition as the rules
back on the right track
this condition should make you better off not worse off..

just need to back on the right track : thesis-ing and being "a nice & an Innocent little-woman (as i am not a girl anymore, but not yet a woman)"

Saturday, March 06, 2010

what a life

we sat down and talked about secrets
personally, from heart to heart
from mind to mind
and believing each others
i take you as a whole package of love,problems,weakness,strenght,past,today, and the unexpected future..
and please take me as that too..

everybody has secrets, has past,
or the bad present stories
life is complicated, right?
if it's too easy, we can't be a rich one
God sends us problems to enrich our heart and mind
and He gives us chances to learn
what is right and what is wrong

Fix the things that still can be fixed
if it can't be, just try to forget it
never look back, honey
just live your today, and becareful in taking any steps in the future, as past has guided you..

Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Journey of FrIEndship







Ujung Genteng Trip, end of February 2010..
Happy's house, Sukabumi, Surade, Linda's Resort,paddy field, Linda's resort, Cikaso Waterfall, Bogor, home..

Friday, February 19, 2010

If

Apa enaknya berandai-andai?
gratis, gak pake tenaga, dan bikin hati senang *kadang-kadang*, setidaknya dalam beberapa menit ketika berandai-andai itu kita berada dalam kondisi dan posisi paling ideal dalam kacamata kita, yang paling kita harapkan..

If,
jika saya begini
Jika dia tidak memilih itu
Jika dulu tidak seperti itu
Jika akhirnya begitu
Jika semua yang saya impikan menjadi kenyataan

Jika, semua "jika" itu terjadi sesuai yang saya harapkan, apakah benar saya akan bahagia?saya akan puas?who knows? only heaven knows

kadang apa yang kita inginkan dan paling impi2kan mungkin bukan sesuatu yang baik dan memang kita benar-benar butuhkan. Dia yang paling tau apa yang terbaik, maka telah disiapkannya jalan yang sesungguhnya memang untuk saya, dia,dia,dia dan mereka..

saya takut Tuhan mengutuk saya karena tidak pandai bersyukur, atas apa yang saya miliki dihadapan saya, disamping saya, dan didekat saya, dan terus berujar "jika"..
then you have to stop it, hep..

just live your happy life happily, happy ^_^

Friday, February 12, 2010

unexpected,uncertainty

sometimes we regret about any bad things that happened to us. the unexpected bad things.
life is full of surprise. the most certain thing in the world, is uncertainty.
God has designed our way, our life. we just have a right to make choices.

something that is seemed to be right to you, maybe that's not. or something that is seemed to be bad to you, maybe that's not. because, we have limited knowledge about life.

don't we ever blame God or the condition for something bad. bad day, just the stage that we have to pass to reach the better one. there always be a day after night, right?

like my favorite author said : we will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen (paulo coelho)





*dedicated to asrialdina, and for myself too*

Thursday, February 11, 2010

systemic poorness

For some reason of doing a project in helping my lecturer to prepare his material for a seminar and also in helping myself to improve my "next economist" brain, i have to read some economics reports and analyze them.

Last night i started with making a graph about the poverty rate in Indonesia in period 1996-2009 based on BPS' report. actually it's not a new knowledge for me since i also got A for economics of poverty class. but i still surprised with the number served there. it always makes me curios about its problem(poverty)here(Indonesia).

there is a different measurement for poverty rate between BPS in Indonesia an world bank as international organization.

BPS measures poverty,based on the ability of the people to fulfill their basic needs for food and non-food in economic term from expenditure side. so, based on BPS measurement, poor are people who live with average expenditure per capita per month below the poverty line for food and non-food. Poverty line for food is 2.100 kilos calories per person per day, and poverty line non-food is measured by minimum needs for education, health, clothes, and housing.

The other hand, world bank measures poverty with 2 different poverty lines,both of them measured by counting the consumption of people which is converted to US$ PPP(purchasing power parity) US$ 1 per day of income and US$ 2 per day income.

Different poverty line effects different poverty rates. for example, in 2008 when we use BPS's measurements (converted into US$ PPP equal to US$ 1,5) poverty rate in Indonesia is 15,42%. but when we use world bank measurements for the poverty line US$ 1 PPP, the data shows 5,9% of poverty rate, and when we use the poverty line US$ 2 PPP it becomes 42,60%.

it's surprising me! there is so little gap between US$1, US$ 1,5 and US$ 2. but the number of the poor different significantly for each type of measurement.

lecturer of my economics of poverty class said that the problem also occurs here is lot of "near poor" people. for a particular measurement, they are not categorized as poor, but in fact they live very close to the poverty line. they also couldn't enjoy the minimum standard of living for humanity, bad housing, bad nutrition, couldn't afford school, health services, etc.

when using US$ 1 PPP as poverty line we get 5,9% of poverty rate and when we just up for 1 dollar again to US$ 2, the rate up much much higher to 42,60%. see, how many people who live on the line or not too far from the line?

i think, our government is run by so many great and smart people. they must be realized about this fact, and know how to overcome this problem. but why, it seemed to be not so effective?

in my shallow opinion in just about, the government doesn't really understand about the characteristics of the poor and the wrong policies-receipt. just ask them, what they really need, do research, try to learn about their point of view.

different area, different characteristics of the poor. poor in rural for example, needs assistance for their work field, the direct ones. subsidizing them with infrastructure, working capital and assist them to use it effectively. don't just give them the fishhook then go, stay for a while and teach them how to use it in right way. And the main problem also, we face the systemic poorness, that is, when the parents are poor then they can't give their children good quality of life, as a result the children become "poor children" with "poor quality as human" and on their time, they turn into the next 'poor parents", and so on..

the poor , really need to be protected for their purchasing power of food for the most important, their access for health, and school. those are the most important things. open the access! not just give them the small amount and short period money subsidy.
by opening those accesses, we also help them to empower themselves. we lift up their dignity also, as a human. and it will give long-term effects for their future life, at least the better life for their children. if the parents are poor, and we can't fix that problem at the "parents" time, at least we've started the right policies for the "children", and we can end that systemic poorness.

i am not the 100%

everybody has their own past time. past memories, bad or sweet ones. with peoples that filled their past life, the lovely ones or the hate ones. colored by some achievements, some problems, some dreams, some faults.

some people, try to forget the past. some try for just taking any lesson from it. and others still live there, or still leave part of them there.
and what kind of person i am?
i don't know..

one think that i know, i hate myself, because i am still not the 100% or at least leave the 50%.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

they're always be my greatest therapist






friends are the greatest therapists you will ever meet in your life