when doing nothing

I have released from my comfort zone..

Now i am in the crossroad and looking for the right way to go. I just have to choose the right direction and go into it at the right time.

Some peope say, it’s okay for waiting just for a while because it doesn’t mean that i am not deserved for something good. It more seems that i am waiting for the greatest. My wish.. because the truth is i never know which one is the best against others.

I didn’t prepare myself well, that’s the mistake that i made.. i’ve spent lots of time for useless things which couldn’t help me for sitting at the top after released.

I hope i just have more time to decide which way to go..and prepare everything that is never prepared well before. And pray to God, it’s the right way, and i won’t regret it at the end of its.

i am Happy

I Love This July..

I think I love this month.. July 2010..
July, 2nd 2010 for exactly.. that's because of 2 precious things :

One..
that day was my thesis examination day..

days before that friday, i felt millions butterflies or maybe rats in my stomach. Nervous, afraid of being failed in fulfilling their expectation, and little bit excited..
my four years as economics student in bachelor degree will be over soon
i've done my thesis as best as i can do, i've prepared everything well: studied with Mr.Pyndick and Mr. Gujarati, and also made my presentation slide..

Friday, July 2nd 2010, 05.30 am woke up, pray, and start to take a shower, still felt the rats in my stomach.. 07.30 am, was ready to go, so may " wejangan" from my mom,and i got air zam-zam with " jampi2 doa ala emak2"

08.00 am already at campus, nobody there.. only me, my thesis copy and Mas Dawan (Dept.IE OB)
i tried to control myself of being nervous and pray always..
09.30 am, yeahhh.. it's the time!!! in 20 minutes i presented my thesis, and got some questions from Mr. Ari Kuncoro, Mrs. Fauziah, and Mrs. Femmy Roeslan..

THANKS, THANKS, THANKS, THANKS, THANKS YA ALLAH you make it easy for me..

YEAHHHH I ALREADY GRADUATED AND GOT A SCORE!!!
THANKS ALLAH, HAPPY WAS VERY HAPPY!!! :)


some familiar faces have waited for me, they are my SUPERmans!! thanks Guys for the support and your presence, you are my precious parts of my life :)

my family waited also at home, i know, it's only one little thing that i can do to make my mom and dad be proud of me.. my cumlaude is just for both of you. Thanks for everything mah,pah, sari, rian :) :)


two..

and that friday also our Sixth..
no matter the condition that happened on that day, i know, you will always support me and try to give all the best for me.Thanks Kautsar.. may Allah will always bless this relationship :)


for those two things
I LOVE THIS JULY

the right track

Every wrong steps that i've made is nobody's fault but mine..
rules, principals,that i made then i break them one by one
i have to go back on the right track

i am not "that kind" of person that i always hate
and i never want to be that one

Stop making it as a "cheap" thing or then you become "the cheap one" too
the internal control is the key, girl..
just control your wrong desire of every "almost-unright-thing"
you also have to control the external side

i am the one who need to make decision and drive the condition as the rules
back on the right track
this condition should make you better off not worse off..

just need to back on the right track : thesis-ing and being "a nice & an Innocent little-woman (as i am not a girl anymore, but not yet a woman)"

what a life

we sat down and talked about secrets
personally, from heart to heart
from mind to mind
and believing each others
i take you as a whole package of love,problems,weakness,strenght,past,today, and the unexpected future..
and please take me as that too..

everybody has secrets, has past,
or the bad present stories
life is complicated, right?
if it's too easy, we can't be a rich one
God sends us problems to enrich our heart and mind
and He gives us chances to learn
what is right and what is wrong

Fix the things that still can be fixed
if it can't be, just try to forget it
never look back, honey
just live your today, and becareful in taking any steps in the future, as past has guided you..

The Journey of FrIEndship

Ujung Genteng Trip, end of February 2010..
Happy's house, Sukabumi, Surade, Linda's Resort,paddy field, Linda's resort, Cikaso Waterfall, Bogor, home..

If

Apa enaknya berandai-andai?
gratis, gak pake tenaga, dan bikin hati senang *kadang-kadang*, setidaknya dalam beberapa menit ketika berandai-andai itu kita berada dalam kondisi dan posisi paling ideal dalam kacamata kita, yang paling kita harapkan..

If,
jika saya begini
Jika dia tidak memilih itu
Jika dulu tidak seperti itu
Jika akhirnya begitu
Jika semua yang saya impikan menjadi kenyataan

Jika, semua "jika" itu terjadi sesuai yang saya harapkan, apakah benar saya akan bahagia?saya akan puas?who knows? only heaven knows

kadang apa yang kita inginkan dan paling impi2kan mungkin bukan sesuatu yang baik dan memang kita benar-benar butuhkan. Dia yang paling tau apa yang terbaik, maka telah disiapkannya jalan yang sesungguhnya memang untuk saya, dia,dia,dia dan mereka..

saya takut Tuhan mengutuk saya karena tidak pandai bersyukur, atas apa yang saya miliki dihadapan saya, disamping saya, dan didekat saya, dan terus berujar "jika"..
then you have to stop it, hep..

just live your happy life happily, happy ^_^

unexpected,uncertainty

sometimes we regret about any bad things that happened to us. the unexpected bad things.
life is full of surprise. the most certain thing in the world, is uncertainty.
God has designed our way, our life. we just have a right to make choices.

something that is seemed to be right to you, maybe that's not. or something that is seemed to be bad to you, maybe that's not. because, we have limited knowledge about life.

don't we ever blame God or the condition for something bad. bad day, just the stage that we have to pass to reach the better one. there always be a day after night, right?

like my favorite author said : we will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen (paulo coelho)





*dedicated to asrialdina, and for myself too*

systemic poorness

For some reason of doing a project in helping my lecturer to prepare his material for a seminar and also in helping myself to improve my "next economist" brain, i have to read some economics reports and analyze them.

Last night i started with making a graph about the poverty rate in Indonesia in period 1996-2009 based on BPS' report. actually it's not a new knowledge for me since i also got A for economics of poverty class. but i still surprised with the number served there. it always makes me curios about its problem(poverty)here(Indonesia).

there is a different measurement for poverty rate between BPS in Indonesia an world bank as international organization.

BPS measures poverty,based on the ability of the people to fulfill their basic needs for food and non-food in economic term from expenditure side. so, based on BPS measurement, poor are people who live with average expenditure per capita per month below the poverty line for food and non-food. Poverty line for food is 2.100 kilos calories per person per day, and poverty line non-food is measured by minimum needs for education, health, clothes, and housing.

The other hand, world bank measures poverty with 2 different poverty lines,both of them measured by counting the consumption of people which is converted to US$ PPP(purchasing power parity) US$ 1 per day of income and US$ 2 per day income.

Different poverty line effects different poverty rates. for example, in 2008 when we use BPS's measurements (converted into US$ PPP equal to US$ 1,5) poverty rate in Indonesia is 15,42%. but when we use world bank measurements for the poverty line US$ 1 PPP, the data shows 5,9% of poverty rate, and when we use the poverty line US$ 2 PPP it becomes 42,60%.

it's surprising me! there is so little gap between US$1, US$ 1,5 and US$ 2. but the number of the poor different significantly for each type of measurement.

lecturer of my economics of poverty class said that the problem also occurs here is lot of "near poor" people. for a particular measurement, they are not categorized as poor, but in fact they live very close to the poverty line. they also couldn't enjoy the minimum standard of living for humanity, bad housing, bad nutrition, couldn't afford school, health services, etc.

when using US$ 1 PPP as poverty line we get 5,9% of poverty rate and when we just up for 1 dollar again to US$ 2, the rate up much much higher to 42,60%. see, how many people who live on the line or not too far from the line?

i think, our government is run by so many great and smart people. they must be realized about this fact, and know how to overcome this problem. but why, it seemed to be not so effective?

in my shallow opinion in just about, the government doesn't really understand about the characteristics of the poor and the wrong policies-receipt. just ask them, what they really need, do research, try to learn about their point of view.

different area, different characteristics of the poor. poor in rural for example, needs assistance for their work field, the direct ones. subsidizing them with infrastructure, working capital and assist them to use it effectively. don't just give them the fishhook then go, stay for a while and teach them how to use it in right way. And the main problem also, we face the systemic poorness, that is, when the parents are poor then they can't give their children good quality of life, as a result the children become "poor children" with "poor quality as human" and on their time, they turn into the next 'poor parents", and so on..

the poor , really need to be protected for their purchasing power of food for the most important, their access for health, and school. those are the most important things. open the access! not just give them the small amount and short period money subsidy.
by opening those accesses, we also help them to empower themselves. we lift up their dignity also, as a human. and it will give long-term effects for their future life, at least the better life for their children. if the parents are poor, and we can't fix that problem at the "parents" time, at least we've started the right policies for the "children", and we can end that systemic poorness.

i am not the 100%

everybody has their own past time. past memories, bad or sweet ones. with peoples that filled their past life, the lovely ones or the hate ones. colored by some achievements, some problems, some dreams, some faults.

some people, try to forget the past. some try for just taking any lesson from it. and others still live there, or still leave part of them there.
and what kind of person i am?
i don't know..

one think that i know, i hate myself, because i am still not the 100% or at least leave the 50%.

they're always be my greatest therapist

friends are the greatest therapists you will ever meet in your life

it's life

No pain, no gain..
yup, kata mutiara yang emang bisa merangkum inti dari hidup ini "usaha,usaha, dan terus usaha".
papa pernah bilang "usaha sekeras-kerasnya seperti gak akan ada yang bisa nolong kita selain lewat usaha kita sendiri, tapi ketika berdoa juga minta sekeras-kerasnya sama Allah seperti gak akan ada lagi yang bisa nolong kita selain Allah lewat doa itu"
Agama juga ngajarin kalo manusia mau selamat didunia dan akherat kuncinya cuma ikhtiar dan tawakal

lets talk about ikhtiar..
ikhtiar artinya berusaha sekeras-kerasnya, mengupayakan semua tenaga dan kemampuan yang kita punya demi mencapai suatu tujuan akhir.
berusaha, adalah sesuatu yang gak pernah putus gw lakukan. demi apa? tujuan akhir macam apa?tujuan akhirnya siapa?
terkadang gw ngerasa sangat lelah kejar-kejaran dengan banyak tuntutan dan target. harus begini, abis itu harus begitu, dll. ya, memang gw juga membutukan semua hasil pencapaian itu, buat apa kalo orang tanya: semua hanya demi sebuah pembuktian, bahwa gw "somebody" dan mungkin sebagai bentuk kompensasi atas beberapa kondisi yang tidak bisa gw penuhi di sisi lain.

i spend more of my time at night to fill my empty head. so, i can live my day as the smart one, the reliable person. but in fact, i am not.

how about tawakal..
gw akui gw kurang mendekatkan diri sama Allah, sehingga gw sering kali keilangan pegangan kalo ngadepin masalah. teriak dan nangis sendiri ternyata gak se-lega kalo dilakukan sambil sujud dan ngadu sama Allah. dan memang pada akhirnya semua masalah gw akan dibantu terselesaikan hanya oleh-Nya.

jangan kebanyakan ngeluh kalo gw udah usaha terus, mungkin sebenernya usaha gw belum cukup keras, masih banyak menyianyiakan waktu untuk hal-hal tidak esensial. banyak melupakan peranan Tuhan, lupa bersyukur.

now i'am 21, almost 22. terlalu tua untuk masih cengeng sama hidup. Hidup selanjutnya masih lebih keras dari yang sekarang gw jalanin.

"...Happiness is at times a blessing – but usually it’s a conquest. The magic instant helps us to change, drives us forward to seek our dreams. We shall suffer and go through quite a few difficult moments and face many a disappointment – but this is all transitory and inevitable, and eventually we shall feel proud of the marks left behind by the obstacles. In the future we will be able to look back with pride and faith.

Poor are those who are afraid of running risks. Because maybe they are never disappointed, never disillusioned, never suffer like those who have a dream to pursue. But when they look back – for we always look back – they will hear their heart saying: “What did you do with the miracles that God sowed for your days? What did you do with the talent that your Master entrusted to you? You buried it deep in a grave because you were afraid to lose it. So this is your inheritance: the certainty that you have wasted your life.”
(paulo coelho, by the river piedra i sat down and wept)

the new happiness

for almost 4 years he is my best friend
he had his own life
i had my own life
and this situation still same until now, nothing changes

then, in the beginning of 2010
we have a new life that we enjoy together
less of long-term expectations, easy to live, but could give us long lasting happiness not just an infatuation of heart beat.

beside our own life, i never knew before that it could be happy if we have a life(another life) where there is a person who cares, tries to comfort you, and asks you to do something stupid but he still tells you that is funny and nice.



bestfriend in 2006..


bestfriend in 2007..


Bestfriend in 2009..



then, we are in 2010..




then, i could say :
lucky, i am in love with my bestfriend..
*and hope i never read this post someday in the future with regrets

happy new year

It's a New year

with a New Heart

which filled with New Hopes

and wish i have a New Life which full of happiness, success and BIG SMILES..

Libur Tlah Tibaa

Horeee...
hari terakhir ujian semester ini udah kelar
ini berarti juga ujian terakhir gw sebagai mahasiswa IE FEUI, sebelum bener-bener ujian sidang skripsi tahun depan...
hmm.. tapi gak yakin juga sih karena gw berencana ambil kelas bahasa korea atau bahasa italia di fakultas bahasa di semster depan.
tapi setidaknya dengan lega bisa gw bilang :

SELAMAT LIBURANNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

macem-macem rencana maen udah dibuat, hari ini berencana mau jalan, tapi gak tau mau kemana, dan lagi malem ini gw masih ngajar. besok belum tau mau ngapain. kamis mau traktir roy makan sushi bareng anak-anak sebagai pelunas janji atas keberaniannya,, proud of you,pal!!. jumat liburan keluarga dimulaiiii... trip to garut-bandung, berlibur sekalian pengajian nenek. tanggal 28-30 bakalan acara studi banding KANOPI ke bogor, tahun baruan, belum tau mau ngapain.. kayaknya mau ke bandung, tapi papa belum bilang apa-apa dan gw jadinya gak berani janji sama siapa-siapa buat maen..

Yakk... tahun depan hidup gw mungkin hanya akan dipenuhi oleh 2 hal : SKRIPSI dan NYAMPAH!! hahahahaha...
Skripsinya sandu aja lah bikinnya masih juli ini batasnya,hehe..
NYAMPAH? yapp.. tanpa kuliah, tanpa pekerjaan, maka gw adalah pengangguran, berarti gw akan terus menerus nyampah setahun kedepan,,
menclok ke kampus, nongkrong2 gak jelas, paling ngajakin anak2 maen,nonton,karaoke, makan-makan,nemenin pada maen BL, pokoknya semuanya gak produktif..hahaha

Akhirnyaa... mungkin setahun ke depan adalah tahun yang penuh dengan hari-hari yang bisa gw nikmatin sendiri dengan diri gw, yang mana selama ini selalu penuh dengan kesibukan kuliah dan organisasi..

yaakk... i am ready for being unemployment student next year!!

the ritual : merapihkan hati

merapihkan hati..
ritual yang seharusnya dilakukan sejak lama
sehingga mungkin tidak ada bertahun-tahun terbuang
untuk duduk di sudut yang sama
no actions, so n responses, just millions of hopes

akhirnya datang juga hari ini
yang membuat semakin yakin
it's not worth it anymore for always hoping

kotak lama itu sudah diisi penuh
dengan harapan dan khayalan bodoh tingkat tinggi
dan bahkan sudah dilempar jauh-jauh
semoga tidak akan diantarkan lagi

merapihkan hati
ternyata memang membuat lega banyak hal
ikhlas dan melanjutkan hidup itu kesimpulannya
dan siap untuk membiarkan kebahagiaan masuk
setelah semuanya rapi di segala sisi

welcome new days..
it's already clean now
goodbye,, the unreal love..i am happy for your happy life.
so, now it's my turn for defining the real happiness and love.

The Negative Externalities of Your Happiness

smile and laugh that are showed in your face if you feel something that you call as happiness (though you never know for sure, is it the real happiness that you need or just the emotion of gaining something), could be tears or even big angry of others..

when you feel, world is yours and everything's looked so beautiful because of feeling that you called as happiness that you've already defined (though you never know for sure, is it the one that you really looking for?), this time could be the hardest day of others, and black clouds only the things that they could see..

it never be a mistake if you just want to show the world that you are happy and want to enjoy those kind of lovable feelings after you chase them hardly, it never be a mistake, never..

all people in the world deserved to pursuit their own happiness in the way that they believe in, and enjoy it for gaining the maksimum utility of that feeling (though, we know for sure, nothing is endless and forever in this world, so in the long term we could face the diminishing utility of happiness because we also adapt with life day by day)

we live in complex world and live with complex people.
some people could feel the positive impacts of your happiness; giving you congratz, hugging you with love, and listening your happy story with big smile.
but, do you ever think that your happiness could gives the negative externalities for others? Your smile could be their tears, days that you called as your lovely days could be their bad days, and happiness that you defined even could they say as "suck feeling"..

in some cases, maybe it's not your mistakes if they got those negative impacts of your happiness, and they also have their own personal reason of getting that bad feeling.

just try to understand them and their feeling.. be wise and sympathy of them..
do something if it needed to make all problems clear and hope they also find their own happiness (so, the equality of happiness could be gained),,, and it's also okay for you to enjoy and maximize your utility of something that you called as HAPPINESS...

heart whisper..

banyak belajar untuk ikhlas hep...

lebih santai coba dalam ngadepin hidup, don't to be too ambitious..

makin banyak senyum,bisa bikin sesak di dada lo ilang,hep..

bersyukur untuk semua hal..

great days, suck days, semua dinikmatin aja..

naikin presentasi dalam pake hati di hidup lo, dan kurangi presentasi membiarkan ego dan kepala lo ambil alih tiap keputusan lo..

throw away the "nobody syndrome" pliss..

heart liberalization and move on to find the happiness..

just do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody..


Ikhlas, take it easy, get closer with God, keep smiling everyday, and make it balance between heart&rational mind,, so, you'll find the happiness and satisfaction in your life hep,,
hopefully =)

hows your life recently, hep??

Well... udah lama juga gak berceloteh disini.. ya, memang awal tujuan gw nge-blog lebih sekedaruntuk bercerita aja, bukan untuk tulisan yang berat-berat dan bermutu karena emang gw juga gak bisa bikin tulisan yang bermutu..

HOWS LIFE RECENTLY??

hmm.. apa ya yang terbaru dari hidup gw belakangan ini..
Pertama, yang pasti gw sudah memasuki bulan terakhir masa amanah dan tanggung jawab gw di KANOPI, ada 2 perasaan yang timbul kalo gw mikir akan segera keluar dari ruangan yang sangat gw cintai ini. Pertama, LEGA.. karena akhirnya selesa sudah masa bakti gw, dan semoga memang gw memberi sesuatu perubahan yang positif bagi organisasi tercinta ini. Kedua, SEDIHH.. gak akan ada lagi tempat dimana gw bisa ngerasa nyaman dan nemuin tempat yang bisa gw sebut sebagai "rumah" ketika gw ada di kampus dan gak akan ada lagi kesibukan2 oragnisasi yang bikin capek tapi selalu bikin hati gw seneng.

Update selanjutnya, KANOPI baru aja melahirkan 3 acara besar dalam 1 bulan : 7th ECONOMIX, KANOPI's EVENTS, dan IEO.. SINTINGGG kalo dipikir kita kerja rodi dalam 1 bulan. tapi alhamdulillah semua baik-baik aja pada akhirnya..

Kehidupan dirumah, mama dan papa naek haji praktis dalam 40 hari hanya ada gw dan rian yang menghuni rumah. seperti biasa,, tugas membabu : masak, beresin rumah, ngurus rian adalah kerjaan gw.. serasa single parents.

at November, gw dapet jadi delegasi Asian Youth Forum ke manila, wahhh pengen banget gw pergi, secara mau jalan2 sekalian dan acaranya emang keren, ditambah gw kangen sama anak2 La Salle.. apa daya, berhubung waktu acara AYF masih bertepatan sama mama&papa naek haji maka gw dilarang pergi. yahh gak papa, mudah2an Allah kasih gantinya yang lebih baik.
Masih di bulan november, gw lolos jadi semi finalis duta muda asean dan ngejalanin tahap wawancara, setelah wawancara gw ngerasa malah pesimis, i think i didn't pass the interview well..Ya sudahlahh serahkan saja pada keputusan terbaik dari Allah.

KULIAH?!! semester ini hanya mengambil 3 mata kuliah, yang gw targetkan harus dapet A semua kalo mau IP gw tembus lagi, berat memang tapi gw usaha banget.. dan terkait SKRIPSI.. YA TUHANNNN... gw masih belum siap ketemu pembimbing ampe hari ini, bahkan proposal yang udah gw masukin dari agustus ampe sekarang belum gw follow-up sama sekali..

cinta,, beberapa hal membuat gw semakin yakin untuk move on.. gw bukan lagi "woman who can't be moved", now, i am woman who try to move and open my heart.. heart liberalization..dan beberapa hal lainnya membuat gw sedikit senyam senyum belakangan ini, setelah masa-masa mau nangis dan gundah gulana..hehehe..
tapi kembali kejadian demi kejadian dan pertanda yang datang malah bikin gw bingung dan muter-muter.. beberapa "tanda" dateng hampir bersamaan.. tapi gw gak bisa mau ambil semua,karena pada akhirnya hati harus memilih juga kan..

akhir-akhir ini gw jadi makin percaya dengan kata-kata " Allah akan menggantikan segala sesuatunya dengan yang lebih baik, jika kita percaya bahwa ini memang jalan dari Allah, seburuk apapun kita menerimanya".. Ya, satu persatu hal yang membuat gw pengen nangis dan jedotin kepala ternyata Allah segera tunjukan hikmah dibalik semua kabar buruk itu.

jadi kalo dirangkum jawaban dari pertanyaan : HOWS YOUR LIFE RECENTLY, HEP? jawabannya adalah : nice, life always teaches me something.. bad day, happy day,semua datang ganti-gantian membuat gw tau kapan harus inget Allah untuk mengadu dan kapan harus inget Allah untuk bersyukur...

Farewell of 6th ECONOMIX

Best Organizing Committee ever!!
A GOOD JOB of preparation, Success Events, Lovable team mates, and a great farewell ^_^